im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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