I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
