Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
