brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
