i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
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Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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