porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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