Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
