The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
