Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize