Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
