apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
