hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize