Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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