if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
