I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
