i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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