we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
