i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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