Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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