Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I deserve this hangover.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
