i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
