Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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