I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize