I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
