Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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