I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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