I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
