i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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