My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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