You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
