I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
