i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
