I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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