We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
