1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
