I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
