You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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