Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
