so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
