we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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