Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
