after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
