Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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