My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're like the curious george of whores
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
