You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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