So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
