Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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