somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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