How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
