So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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