Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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