:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
