OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
this is an emotional support booty call
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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