i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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