i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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