come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize