walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
