Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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