the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
