so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
